ONCE UPON A TIME, when the world was young and unicorns still smoked joints in fields of clover, when the rain was made of rootbeer and I didn't grow sandpaper on my chin every few days, I kept a regular record of my tiniest and most precious thoughts in a blog much like this. A blog, much like this, which is likely still tucked among the balled-up tissues and old grocery lists in the wastepaper of an Internet past, somewhere, waiting in the weeds for me to announce my run for state treasurer and pounce with fangs bared and bad poetry dripping from its hungry teeth. (Excuse me while I change my underwear.) This is the scary thing about the Internet: that terrible limerick you wrote about your grandmother's nassssty breath is never going away. Ever.
But here I am, back again, pecking away at the keyboard with bated breath, waiting for MAGIC to happen. Writing, however, has not taken kindly to my vacation. It's hard work, man! Thinking all day of things to say and when the time comes to say them, coming up cobwebs. (Have I written enough yet?)
But I'm no boring slouch - I've got things to say! Adventures to recount! Anecdotes to amuse! I could keep you riveted for hours spinning yarns about organ abuses past, present, and future, complete with local color courtesy of my terrible accent from the City-Which-Shall-Not-Be-Named. And, oh how you'll laugh. You'll shoot beer out your ears, you will, you will.
(Where's the word count on this thing?)
Here's the first Interesting Thing I will share with you lucky ducks: my list of things to do on my Holiday Wonderland Adventure-Time! (tm)
1. Eat.
2. More eating. (preferrably of these)
3. Ringing of eardrums with old war-buddies (i.e. JAMMING).
4. Going to THIS!!!!!!!!!!!
5. Forgetting temporarily that the sun exists
Anything else I'm forgetting? I'm a bit of a Scrooge, so don't hesitate to ream me out for it.
ANYway, I'm thinking that I'll have more to say next week after we've been on the road for thirty hours and hit as many of those roadside casinos in Oklahoma as we can. Hope you and yours have a wonderfully commercial-free interruption of your regularly scheduled programming. Toodles!
But here I am, back again, pecking away at the keyboard with bated breath, waiting for MAGIC to happen. Writing, however, has not taken kindly to my vacation. It's hard work, man! Thinking all day of things to say and when the time comes to say them, coming up cobwebs. (Have I written enough yet?)
But I'm no boring slouch - I've got things to say! Adventures to recount! Anecdotes to amuse! I could keep you riveted for hours spinning yarns about organ abuses past, present, and future, complete with local color courtesy of my terrible accent from the City-Which-Shall-Not-Be-Named. And, oh how you'll laugh. You'll shoot beer out your ears, you will, you will.
(Where's the word count on this thing?)
Here's the first Interesting Thing I will share with you lucky ducks: my list of things to do on my Holiday Wonderland Adventure-Time! (tm)
1. Eat.
2. More eating. (preferrably of these)
3. Ringing of eardrums with old war-buddies (i.e. JAMMING).
4. Going to THIS!!!!!!!!!!!
5. Forgetting temporarily that the sun exists
Anything else I'm forgetting? I'm a bit of a Scrooge, so don't hesitate to ream me out for it.
ANYway, I'm thinking that I'll have more to say next week after we've been on the road for thirty hours and hit as many of those roadside casinos in Oklahoma as we can. Hope you and yours have a wonderfully commercial-free interruption of your regularly scheduled programming. Toodles!
RSS Feed